Who’s the real joke – the bin-faced comedian or the clowns in charge?
Count Binface can’t turn his camera on for our meeting – the rubbish bin that houses his head is being polished, he apologises. The bin-faced politician is beaming down from “sort of near-Earth orbit, onboard my starship, the Alberetta… but I come down quite a lot, because I’m on tour, you see.”
On Sunday, Binface, a “Recyclon from Planet Sigma IX”, will be paying Bristol’s Earthlings a visit at the Wardrobe Theatre with his show Bindependence Day, the final date and “climax” of his tour. He describes the show as the Binface Party Conference.
“We must take stock of where we’ve got to as a party, but also… plot a route forwards,” he says. “And I am asking my fans in the audience that night to help me sculpt the Binface manifesto for the next electoral cycle.”
Binface’s manifesto for the 2024 general election – when he challenged Rishi Sunak in his Northallerton constituency, winning 308 votes – is a great read. “I think people get confused because they read it and halfway through they go, this just sounds sensible,” the Count goes on.
“Why is nobody else pledging to build at least one affordable house? Why is nobody else pledging to link MPs pay to that of nurses? Why is nobody else pledging to make Claudia Winkleman’s fringe grade-one listed, nationalise Adele, bring back Ceefax, and rename London Bridge after Phoebe Waller?
“I’m supposed to be the ludicrous novelty candidate,” he adds. “Although, these days, I’m not so sure.”
Serious track record
When it comes to elections, Binface has a pretty serious track record, having stood not only against Sunak but “a hat trick of deposed Tory prime ministers”. In 2019 he was a candidate for then-prime minister Boris Johnson’s Uxbridge and South Ruislip seat, which he contested again at the 2023 by-election following Johnson’s resignation.
He also stood against Theresa May – in his previous persona Lord Buckethead – and is hungry for more. “You guys change your leader so quickly, it’s hard for me to keep up,” Binface says. “I never got the chance to take the Trussmeister on – she was gone in the blink of a visor.”
The Starmer government didn’t actually have anything they wanted to do, and the stuff they have done, like freeze old people to death, they didn’t say they were going to do – so I’d say they’re a bit confused
Count Binface
Binface has also made bids to be London’s mayor, in 2021, and then 2024 when he proudly beat Britain First with 24,260 votes to their 20,519, “literally beating fascists”. In a video, Sadiq Khan is interrupted by booing from the Britain First Candidate, who Binface says “stormed off the stage” as results were read. “Ostensibly, he was storming out because he hates Sadiq Khan, but I wouldn’t be surprised if losing to Count Binface had a bit to do with it.”
The Count claims to be “streets ahead” of the new Labour government, by virtue of actually having a manifesto. “They’ve been in for three months, and no wonder they haven’t had a budget yet because they didn’t actually have anything they wanted to do,” he says. “The stuff they have done, like freeze old people to death, they didn’t say they were going to do – so I’d say they’re a bit confused.
“The Starmer majority might be a mile wide but [it’s] an inch deep,” Binface adds. “When you don’t stand for anything, it’s easy for people to disagree with you.”
‘My croissant policies will go down well in Bristol’
In preparation for his visit to Bristol, Binface has been learning about our city. “I don’t want a statue of me in your neck of the woods, for starters,” he says. “Not that I’m a slave trader – I should point that out.”
He’s interested in visiting the Christmas Steps “as long as you’re not playing Christmas music before December – otherwise I’ll fucking laser it”.
“I like the whole vibe of [Bristol],” he continues. “You’ve got lots of artisanal bakeries. I’ve got a funny feeling that my croissant policies [to price-cap them nationally at £1.10] will go down very well in Bristol.”
There is definitely an anti-elitist fire burning close beneath the dustbin lid – the Count hits the mark with some of his more serious policies. “I would abolish the entirety of the Lords,” he says. “You’d have no Baron Beefy Botham of Ravensworth, no Baroness Charlotte Owen of In the Night Garden, and you’d have no Baron Evgeny Lebedev of Hampton and Siberia, and my dad was in the KGB, but I’m all right, guv’nor. I’d get rid of all that.”
I ask how he felt when Jacob Rees Mogg lost his seat near Bristol: “Very good. He’s a… I think you could fill in the gap on that actually,” the Count says. “The House of Commons is better off for him not being in it. And long may that be the case.”
Aside from political office, Binface has ambitions to host Question Time. “Surely the only way to be impartial is to have someone not from your planet, right?” he muses. “Then I’d have Fiona Bruce on as a guest and we could find out what she really thinks.” Other members of his fantasy Question Time panel include Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Ian McShane aka Lovejoy, Chris Rea, Adele and Usain Bolt.
‘It should cost £3.50 to run for Croydon’
Lowering his aims from the whole of the UK capital, he also has designs on being mayor of the London borough of Croydon – if he can raise the funds. “To stand for anything, you need money”, he explains. “To run as an MP, 500 quid, arguably a bargain. To run to be Mayor of London, £10,000… it’s also another 10 grand to get in the booklet telling voters who’s running, which I thought was a blooming cheek [and decided against].”
How much should it cost to battle for Croydon? “Three pounds fifty, right? Five grand,” Binface laments. “My job is to invest or gather just enough Earth money so I can take the piss, and obviously anything extra can line my spaceship with gold wallpaper.”
Zooming out from the London outskirts, the Count is also planning to poke at Elon Musk by instigating a tweet boycott in the run-up to the US election. “You wouldn’t be on Truth Social, run by Trump, a fascist rightwing nutjob – so why are you on Twitter? It’s almost like humans aren’t having the courage of their convictions.”
You can find out more about Count Binface’s plans on his Substack and on his podcast Trash Talk with Count Binface.
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